I'm no doctor...

...But I can tell I'm going crazy. Well, maybe not in a completely literal sense but you catch my drift. You see, lately I've been on the verge on what some may call a nervous breakdown. I feel myself slipping into panic attacks, but I save myself. I don't like to think too highly of myself unless it comes to my own well-being. No one can take better care of me, mentally, physically, emotionally, than I can. With the craziness that happened to me at the beginning of this year, I had to make the decision to be accepting of myself. Cliche' as hell, right? I thought so too. But it surprised me just how hard it really is. I mean, all of the mistakes I make, my laziness, my lack of self-control it seemed impossible to actual be happy with who I am. I still don't think I'm fully there yet, but I can look at myself naked in the mirror and not want to turn away. Heck, I even think I look great.

So why am I going crazy?

I still have to horrible habit of blaming myself for things out of my control. Or even things in my control that I should be blaming myself for. But for things I can't, I just can't seem to find away to make myself realize that I'm not Superwoman. It's like a constant struggle of what's good and what's not in my mind when I'm dealing with different people because everyone is so different. Everyone is so different. I come from a family where I am seen as the softy, the weak one. But, when I get around friends, co-workers, etc. they see a more stern, harsh, and dare I say, bitch sitting before them. How do I manage? I'm the same person no matter where I go, but the people... The people change. And I'm trying to work it out so I can get my point across, but not be hated as well. I tell people I don't care. I do. I want friends. I want to hang out every weekend. I just want it to be with people who like me. Really like me. Not people who say we're good and cool, but when I turn around they're singing a different tune. I would rather be alone. Until I find my niche I would rather be alone.